ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
