i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
