sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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