my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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