its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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