In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
