they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
