My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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