my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
