I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
