Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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