your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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