Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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