You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
