is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
