Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize