The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
