its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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