I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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