the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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