...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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