I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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