just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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