If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
