I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You took a bar mat shot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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