3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
