Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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