so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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