She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
