That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
