I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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