Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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