shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
