sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize