My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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