So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
