I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
