just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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