Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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