how can u be prego again
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
