Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
