You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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