a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
