In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
