who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
