So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
