Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
