my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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