Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
