I just saw a hot homeless man
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
