Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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