They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
