Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize