You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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