Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
