Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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