he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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