Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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