Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
