You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
