If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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