idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
