OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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