he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
