Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
