i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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