Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
