Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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