i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
