my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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