it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
