Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
