Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
