Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
